Trust With a Capital T

2012 has been a big year. It began with certain possibilities on the horizon, but they were far out and off in the distance - across time and space and the span of many months. By the time March hit, many of those possibilities had been unexpectedly swept full force into our lives - my husband's retirement, the sale of our house, a move to Santa Barbara. Just as I came off of a whirlwind book promotion blitz for Desire to Inspire, I was thrust directly into all the details that came with one of the biggest transitions couples go through, and my work found a cozy spot on the back burner.

The exception was Matrilumina, and an idea that sprouted - also unexpectedly - about the same time all the changes in my personal life were beginning to reveal themselves. These two journeys have been taken side by side; they've both had specific dates and times associated with them, official contracts had to be signed for each, and, now that our first retreat is over, I see they have also both been about creating a home. They have both challenged me, exhilarated me and allowed me to do many of the things I do best. They have taught me about patience and grace, about gratitude and joy. 

There is something else these two experiences have provided - or maybe created or inspired or called forth. I'm not sure which came first or how, exactly, one evolved from the other, all I know is that beneath the surface of all of the activity this year has given me, a shift has been taking place deep within and has influenced every step of these journeys. That shift has to do with - what else - letting go. Letting go of fear, letting go of the need for certainty, letting go of the worry that I might look like a fool or a failure. Letting go of the worry I'll offend if I state simply and plainly, "This is what my strengths are, this is where I need help. This is what I need to take care of myself and feel safe. This is a moment when my fears are having their way with me and I'd like to just say that out loud and cry about it even though I feel very, very silly. This is what I know how to do; this is not negotiable." 

I have built a business and a brand. I have supported myself as an artist. I published a book on my own, and another one with someone else. I have organized countless events, retreats, gatherings, workshops and classes. I have traveled. I have loved and lost and gotten back up. I have been deeply involved in certain circles and then unceremoniously catapulted out of them. I have created a home that friends all over the world know will always be a safe haven for them. I have helped heal my family. I have worked. I have been lazy. I have failed. I have soared.

And after all of that, I am here to say simply and plainly that the only thing I ever want to do again is pursue work that fills my soul, with collaborators, friends and colleagues who have a strong enough center that they can meet me face to face and walk through whatever we are doing together with respect, kindness, honesty, grace and gratitude. At the risk of making things sound a little too good to be true, I must share that this is what Matrilumina has been about for me - it is about finding something I have been seeking all my life. It is about creating what I needed most. It is about the here and the now, the mystery and the thrill of the unknown. It is about choosing the gentlest route. It is about Trust with a capital T.

Here's to magic gatherings ~ I hope to see you in March.

Blessings...Christine

{For more thoughts on our inaugural gathering earlier this month, click here.}

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[jane]

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