Student of Stillness

This is what I would like to tell you:

I have watched seals play on a windy beach in New Zealand. I have written three books and worked alongside some of the most inspiring souls on the planet. I have surfed in Hawaii and gotten lost in Buenos Aires. I have bounced on trampolines at Burning Man, floated in the Dead Sea off the coast of Jordan, sat in ceremony with a Santeria priestess in Havana, Cuba and wandered through the Tokyo Fish Market at dawn. I saw my granddaughter come into this world. 

I am the Pursuer of Wild Dreams, the One Who Makes Things Happen. I'm game for pretty much anything, with a rolodex of creative ideas that is in constant motion in my mind. There is so much I would love to do, and I will go to my grave with many of those ideas untouched. I will likely leave this earth wanting more, but grateful for the memories I'll carry with me.

My wild dream right now is of a much quieter nature - to learn greater stillness, to let go of the grand ambitions. I have been going full-tilt boogie for 17 years now as a creative entrepreneur, and right now what my heart is telling me to do more than anything is nothing. As I enter this month of October with nary a project or deadline ahead of me, no travel plans and a wide open calendar, I am keenly aware of the temptation that keeps nagging at me to do something. To dive into another project or start planning my next big trip. To learn how to crochet or make a short film.

But instead of anything like that, my intention is to be a student of stillness. To take long lunches, walk my dog, admire the moon, and pick flowers from my yard. To write letters - real letters - and print out new photographs for my bulletin board. I have always managed to do these kinds of things in small doses - in between the flurry of activity that was the staple of my life in Santa Monica - but I am now determined to weave them more deeply into the fabric of my days here in Santa Barbara. 

There is a wide array of books about the journey different authors have taken from stressed out to blissed out, from on the go to on the meditation cushion, so I know I am not alone in my quest to find greater joy in the smaller moments. What is funny is that I am all about celebrating the smaller moments. I wrote an entire bookabout them! But the truth is that while I can speak confidently about finding and savoring all the tiny joys tucked between the laundry and the dishes, the emails and the deadlines, I am an amateur when it comes to creating a life where the to do lists play second fiddle to the quieter joys, where the ambition to Do It All! can be tucked between all the opportunities I have each day to let that ambition go.

I am now in hot pursuit of quiet. I am fiercely committed to slow, steady, calm and joyful. I still have work to do, but it is now being done in service to something that most of the world will never see. My ego isn't really interested in what I'm up to, and I know that means I'm onto something. A month from now, it is likely I won't have much of anything interesting to share. I will not have climbed a mountain in Tibet. I will not have organized a group art show. I will not have learned how to crochet.

All I will be able to tell you is that I rested, I sat still, and I listened to the steady beat of my own heart. This, today, is my grand ambition. This is what my journey is about.

Blessings...Christine